(matte)inee idol

johnathan allen matte hair pomade


So…what have you got against cary grant? do you really hate gary cooper? are you trying to make clark gable cry? i only ask because they spent years cultivating a look that defined dapper, all american, streamlined, no fuss, world-on-a-string style…and you just keep ignoring it. maybe those cut away tails and top hat are a bit much for the olive garden and maybe that ostrich attaché case does seem out of place in your cubicle - but at least your hair could learn something. something, say, like the benefits of a good pomade. pomade fits the bill for almost all of a guy’s hair product needs - unless, of course, you are subject to daily blow outs, home perms and hot rollers (if so, then consider this product recommendation moot and get yourself a nice v05 hot oil treatment). otherwise, most of those harsh styling products thrown at us are unnecessary. gels and mousse? yeah, they’re appropriate sometimes…like 1985. and hairspray? never touch the stuff. call me a purist, but i’ve always had this sneaking suspicion that hair shouldn’t be crunchy. what’s so great about pomade, specifically this one, is that it holds and defines shape, but is still totally soft. it doesn’t dry or damage your locks and, because this one is water based, it washes out easily. me, i like the matte finish above; but if you crave the shine of the spotlight there are more reflective versions, too just a word to the wise – if when applying you think that dollop might be a little much, it probably is. It’s a slippery slope from an early james dean to a late aurther fonzerelli. so go out, rent a copy of the philadelphia story, north by northwest, or anything by preston sturges and take some cues. just don’t start calling your co-workers ‘mr. demille’ and letting them know you’re ready for your close up. trust me, that’s kinda a meeting killer.

sound investment: 8
does it turn back time?: 7
sensorty satisfaction: 9
cool factor: 6
rate of addiction: 7.25

mr. productaddict splits hairs

aveda hair revitilizer

Dear Webster’s dictionary,

so there i was, ready to type up a shiny recommendation for this new addition in my haircare regimen, and thought, “gee, i better check my spelling and make sure all my p’s and q’s are in order.” imagine my shock and awe when i realized that your publication has no listing for the word revitalizer. in short, what gives? are superior unbelievably moisturizing hair products beneath you? do you all just shampoo, rinse, repeat…and that’s all?
i bet you’re saying, ‘sounds like a conditioner, we have an entry for conditioner, look up conditioner’. ok, yeah, page 283. i checked it out and while similar in form and function, it’s like saying hedi slimane and jaclyn smith are both designers. might I suggest the following:

revitalizer (re-vit’-l-izer), n. 1. a hair nectar of the gods. 2. a fragrant tonic providing supple management properties with the ability to eliminate (stifle) frizz and conjure body when applied for 2-5 minutes post shampoo. (origin, late 1990’s aveda)

…just a suggestion

godspeed,
mr. p.addict

sound investment: 8
does it turn back time?: 7
sensory satisfaction: 9
cool factor: 6
rate of addiction: 7.5

blasphemous?

kiehl’s ultra facial moisturizer

In the beginning….there was kiehl’s ultra facial moisturizer
and mr. productaddict said, ‘let it be light’, and it was light. and he wished for it to be absorbent and never greasy, and it was absorbent and never greasy. and mr. productaddict wondered if it was sufficient for both the morning and the night, and it was. he asked what made it so fruitful and enriching, and the label did say vitamin a, vitamin e, and the oil of avocado, almond, and apricot seed. and mr. productaddict saw all that khiels had to behold, and said it was good.
he then asked for some free samples…something in a face mask, perhaps?

sound investment: 9
does it turn back time?: 8
sensory satisfaction: 6
cool factor: 7
rate of addiction: 7.5