shiny unhappy people

shiseido blotting papers

pitiful…

This was the only word that came to mind this morning when i stared out the window of my air conditioned cab. what did I see? a never ending throng of limp, moist pedestrians slowly simmering in this heat stew we call new york city. 99 degrees, 102 degrees, heat emergency, heat warning, heat index, blah, blah, blah – it all boils down to a bunch of sweaty people with glistening brows.
now, i understand that perspiration is our friend, that it’s nature’s own cooling system. i think it’s swell that the almighty saw fit to regulate internal temperature and rid the body of toxins by soaking us in our own salty brine. it all makes me thrilled to be a mammal. and yet…enough already.
let me introduce you to these amazing blotting papers from shiseido. a simple, perfect way to soak up all that dewy grime and help keep your pores clear and non reflective. i bet your skeptical. i bet you saying, ‘blotting papers? oh, mr. productaddict, what’s next – lace handkerchiefs and tuberose smelling salts?’ very funny.
listen, i’m not saying to run around town blotting away like your dear aunt prudence and her coty compact. use a little discretion. a little rubdown while on your commute, a quick swipe before a big meeting – not a big deal. no more challenging to your manhood than the moist towelette you used after those mets stadium nachos.
still hemming and hawing? well, fine - i’m sure that clogged and melting is a good look for you. as for me, next time the city starts to resemble the steam room of the mohave health and racquet club, i will hail the nearest well chilled cab, reach for one of these papers, and know that i finally have something in common with my cab driver – we’re both blotto.

sound investment: 10
does it turn back time?: 6
sensory satisfaction: 5
cool factor: 7
rate of addiction: 7